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wake up from bad dream

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Bad dream does not really mean a dream from sleep.
after watching the movie "Inception", I feel like writing this down. a bad dream that i must wake up. a bad dream i try to forget. a bad dream i managed to faced but still hunted on and off.

Do i really have to face the truth? How i hurt my right angkle? a truth i never want to remember, never want to face. now even, i am not sure whether my leg hurt due to a fall from dance or a fall from stair case. NO, I don't want to know.

after 4 to 5 time of chinese urut on my right leg, i knew i need to face my worst fear. I need an x ray for my right ankle. Hurting my leg was quite usual during dance. but this pain was unbearable.

10/5/09, ask a friend to send me to hospital. never never will ask a friend's boyfriend help again. so weird, they keep chatting and you can see love shape thing flying around them. but he is the only one available to send me to hospital that time. thank you ah kong.

after the wait, the scan, explanation from the doctor, I break down. I cry over the phone. I not sure i was shocked by the fact that my right ankle ligament torn or the xray fare. I can't help hold back my tears. even before the 3p class start, i wash my face. I still break down in front of my friends. I can't help it. helpless, depression.

acting normal is my best acting. I can go through this.

16/5/10 operation day. nervous nervous abit curious about operation room too keep looking around

18/5/10 headache fainted. feel my head cracked like hell

19/5/10 headache fainted again admitted to hospital due to PDPH post dural punctual headache. I cried again. thank for teresa for keep helping me

rested for a week at her house. this event shocked my mum, she immediately flew to kuching to visit me.

started my physiology session, pain and unusual. however, i get use to it and face and practice on it. lucky i heal faster.

During physiotherapy, I can not face dance. I can not dance, i can not exercise. I can not walk fast. I feel like a prisoner to my body. I hate dance. I can't not even face my favourite dance show.

wake up, i wake up time really heal my pain. no matter how i hate dance at the moment, I still miss dancing. when i feel better, I drove to dance studio. I started to dance out. i still like the wind circled around me when i dance around. I still like the feeling of on pointe.

wake up and face it. I started to take photograph. I started to know more dance friends. My world become wider although i can not dance as before. look at the bright side, I still gain alot of things although i can do certain things.

like a story i heard before, no pain no gain

this dream will never be seen anyone until i am ready

yes i am ok now i am standing up facing the blue sky. i travel more than before. i learn to appreatiate the fact that i still can walk can run but not jump. i am dancing now in a whole new dance world. my dance world do not close up but wider now........


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